{"title":"Frontpage","description":null,"products":[{"product_id":"one-dozen-starving-crazed-weasels","title":"One Dozen Starving Crazed Weasels","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026nbsp;\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e(Images may not be representative of the weasels you receive)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026nbsp;\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWell, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBut I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAnd he says \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI said \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHe said \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI said \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHe said \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI said \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHe said \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI said \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHe said \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI said \"You got any apple fritters?\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHe said \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI said \"You got any bear claws?\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHe said \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\"No, we're outta bear claws\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI said \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHe says \"All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI said \"OK, I'll take that\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSo he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAnd they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003e(rabid gnawing sounds)\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOh man, they were just going nuts\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThey were tearin' me apart\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou know, I think it was just about that time that a little ditty started goin' through my head\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI believe it went a little something like this . . .\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDoh\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eGet 'em off me\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eGet 'em off me\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOh\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNo, get 'em off, get 'em off\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOh, oh God, oh God\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOh, get 'em off me\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOh, oh God\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAh, (more screaming)\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLike a constipated weiner dog\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAnd as luck would have it, that's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHer name was Zelda\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI'll never forget the first thing she said to me.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr \/\u003e\u003cspan\u003eShe said \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"WeaselCo","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":344019847,"sku":"12345","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0254\/6599\/products\/weasel2.jpg?v=1375898803"},{"product_id":"cheese","title":"Cheese","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\"...it's very runny, sir...\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026nbsp;\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAh! We do have some Camembert, sir.... It's a bit runny, sir.... Well, as a matter of fact it's very runny, sir.... I think it's runnier than you like it, sir... 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